What Are You Afraid Of?

What are you afraid of? I am scared of the dark and clowns. I am also afraid of not making a difference to people in this world. I probably have an unhealthy fear of failure and rejection and a slight fear of succeeding. Maybe I should call a shrink. Or maybe, just maybe, I should write more. The more writers I read about, as in reading about why writers write, the more I can see that you have to be a little crazy to be a writer. The outstanding writers are probably really crazy.

Think about it for a moment. Good writers and great writers spill words on a page to get the ideas out of their heads that cannot stay there. Good writers can play on the fears of others, while great writers can turn their own greatest fears into short stories, poems, novels, or works of non-fiction despite the fear. They are courageous. They are inspiring, and they are crazy. How do I know this? I am a writer, that's how.

There is something a little off about me. That makes the ideas in my head as weird, wonderful, terrifying, and fantastical as possible. Regular people do not think like a writer. They think like regular people. Don't get me wrong, regular people can write and even make money at it, but true writers do it because they are driven by something inside that is screaming at them, "You have to get this out of your head!"

So, what am I really afraid of? After not doing much for years and then spending the last eleven days writing, the ideas are screaming to come out. So much so that it is sometimes hard to figure out what to write first. So many penned-up thoughts and feelings and ideas, I'm afraid I will have wasted a part of myself if I do not write them and get them out of my head. That is my biggest fear; wasting a part of me that could bring others something they are looking for, whether a good story, a good scare, or just some helpful information, doesn't matter. But, if I do not write it, then people will not be able to get anything from my thoughts.

Does this sound a bit egotistical? Maybe it is, but so be it. If a writer does not believe he is born to write, then what's the point? I was born to write, and there are people who were meant to read what I have to say. I cannot let fear keep me from speaking any longer. God's gift to me is this passion for writing, and I have squandered it for many years. No more, fear be damned; here comes the writer in me.

Does this sound a bit egotistical? Maybe it is, but so be it. If a writer does not believe he is born to write, then what's the point? I was born to write, and there are people who were meant to read what I have to say. I cannot let fear keep me from speaking any longer. God's gift to me is this passion for writing, and I have squandered it for many years. No more, fear be damned; here comes the writer in me.