Imposter syndrome is real. This week, I realized it more than ever before. As I hit five months unemployed, I’m digging through old performance reviews to update my resume. Seeing all the things I’ve accomplished over the last 11 years, you’d think I’d feel good about myself.
Turns out, the exact opposite happened. I felt like the person those reviews talked about was someone else, not me. Could I really have accomplished such good things? Was all of this true?
This isn’t the first time I’ve felt this way. Like the first time I received an “exceeds expectation” on a performance review and spent the next few days wondering if my manager made a mistake. Many times in my career, I’ve asked if the person people see me as is real. Have I somehow unknowingly been able to “fake” my way through my job?
I don’t fully understand where it comes from, but I wrestle with shaky confidence. A lot of times, I never feel good enough or smart enough to have ended up in the positions I have. In reality, this isn’t the case.
Beyond the lack of confidence, I realize I am smart enough to get where I am. If I didn’t have the drive, smarts, and skills I have, then I wouldn’t have made it to where I am today.
However, this mentality isn’t always at the forefront of my mind. As I reread my resume, I wonder if it’s inflating my accomplishments and abilities. As I search for a new path, I’m fearful that I’m not good enough to get to the next level.
It’s a mind game, and it’s one I have to win. As I struggle to overcome the fear and bet on myself, I have to remember what I’ve survived. Moreover, I have to remember that there are times when I’ve thrived.
And I have to remember whose I am. I am fearfully and wonderfully made, as are all God’s children. The only way to overcome this fear is for me to pray, ask others to help me make sure I’m being truthful, and rely on God to guide me.
I believe there’s something better for me around the corner. And although I’m afraid of how long it may take to get there or the road I’ll have to travel, I must have confidence in God—and in myself—that God will land me in the right spot at the right time.
Imposter syndrome is real, but it doesn’t have to hold me back—and it shouldn’t hold you back either.
So I’m choosing to lean into the truth: God didn’t bring me this far to leave me doubting in the dark. He’s still writing the story, and the next chapter starts with one brave step—mine, and maybe yours too.
What’s the one truth about yourself you’re ready to believe today?
—Daniel